This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.